


What Ifs

by BlodkruWrites



Series: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Song Inspired [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Kane Brown, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sick Steve Rogers, Songfic, Stucky - Freeform, What Ifs, bucky takes care of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:13:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlodkruWrites/pseuds/BlodkruWrites
Summary: Steve is sick, again.Bucky is taking care of him, again.Neither of them understand their feelings for each other, again.They just know no matter the what ifs, they belong together.-----------------------------Inspired by "What Ifs" by Kane Brown





	What Ifs

 

Steve's sick again.

It's no surprise to either of them. Winter seems to keep going and gets worse the longer it stays. Bucky's not getting as much work because of the three feet of snow outside and there's no way Steve can leave the apartment. Not that he'd let him. No matter how much the scrawny blonde told his friend he was fine, it wouldn't matter. He'd go into a coughing fit almost immediately and the brunette would shake his head and make Steve go back to their shared bed. 

"Buck, I'm fine." Tonight was another one of those nights. Steve is sitting on their not-so comfortable couch as Bucky paces around making sure there's no cold air coming through. Their apartment is the worst with extreme weather; it's just as cold as outside in the winter and blistering during summer. It's rough. "Seriously, I'll be f-," Steve's interrupted by a wet cough. Bucky sighs and grabs their last blanket from behind the couch and wraps it around Steve. The blonde is already bundled with two others and both of their warmest coats. Bucky's about ready to ask Mrs. Jenkins from down the hall if she has an extra blanket or two. Steve's near fed up with being fawned over. 

"If I hear 'ya say you're fine one more time I'm gonna knock you out myself." Steve rolls his eyes. If his head didn't feel like it was going to explode he'd give a smart remark back. 

Instead he burrows deeper into his bundle. "You don't gotta worry over me. This happens every year." It doesn't make Bucky feel better. And it sure as hell doesn't make Steve better period. Every time the smaller of the two coughs or shivers it's terrifying; Steve being sick is always risky.

"Let me take care of 'ya okay, Punk?" Bucky tosses a pair of socks at him. They were damp from when he tried to walk to the pharmacy down the street. No luck there. Steve didn't even bother trying to move out of the way. "It's not like I'm gonna stop worryin' anytime anyways. I ain't going anywhere so let it happen." 

Steve threw one of the socks back at him. It missed. "Ain't leaving for now." He slumped further into the couch. Bucky stopped pacing and looked down at him.

"What's that suppose to mean?" He didn't miss the not so subtle scoff from his friend. "Say it- what's that suppose to mean, Stevie?" Steve doesn't answer. They've had this argument before- he thinks Bucky will leave him like everyone else. He knows it's not on purpose that everyone leaves. But they _do_ and it doesn't help him. He thinks Bucky will find some pretty looking girl and decide living with his best friend isn't what he wants. He'll want to be with his girl and leave Steve on his own once again. 

"Nothin'! Just leave it alone, Buck. I'm going to bed." Steve tried to get up with some dignity. But the instant he stood up his head swam and he felt dizzy. Instinctively, Bucky reaches out and steadies him. "'M fine." He tries to pull away but Bucky holds onto his arm. Steve doesn't look at him. He can't make himself; if he does Bucky will see the flush that isn't from a fever on his cheeks. He'll see his baby blue eyes are glossy with hidden tears. "What if you find someone, huh? That what you wanna hear? What if you find someone and I'm left all alone. I know you don't need me around, Buck. I'm just holding you back." He isn't sure if it _is_ the fever talking now. 

Bucky just stands there. His hand still holds onto Steve's forearm. He can see the red on his best friend's cheeks- it's cute. His best friend he shouldn't be calling cute. But it's the first thing in his mind and he wants to reach out and touch his cheeks. But that's not something he's suppose to want. "You ain't holding me back." That's all his mind can come up with. Sometimes Bucky wishes he was smarter than he was and could say a monologue's worth of things. But that's not him and he can't form the sentences in his mind. Steve rolls his eyes and tugs his arm one more time. This time Bucky doesn't hold on. He let's Steve go and let's the blonde walk away. Steve walks away from him and into the bedroom; the door shuts not so quiet behind him. 

Bucky's sighs. He could've said anything else to help the situation. But he didn't. He resigns himself to sleeping on the couch.

**\----------------------------------------------------------------**

"Steve, ya gotta let me in." Steve had locked the bedroom door. It was a flimsy lock that Bucky was sure he could pick- but he wanted Steve to open it. Their fight last night (was it really a fight?) had left them both on edge. Bucky _tried_ to give Steve his space but after hearing him up coughing all night he couldn't anymore. "Ya gotta take your medicine at least. I know you're probably feelin' like hell right now." The only response was a muttered 'go away' and more coughing. Bucky's chest ached to help his friend. He needed to make sure he was okay. Needed Steve to be okay. "Alright I'm comin' in whether you like it or not." He walked away from the door and over to the small kitchen. He rummaged through a drawer for a minute before finding a butter knife. Not the best but it'd have to work. He went back to the door and bent down. The knife slipped between the door and the frame easily and with a small _click_ , it unlocked and opened. Bucky set the knife on the ground and pushed the door open.

"I said leave me alone." A muffled voice said under a huddle of blankets. Bucky stared fondly at the huddle that hid Steve.

He crossed the room and stood at the side of the bed. "Nah, you said go away. That's different." No response. The brunette waited. And waited. And waited. Steve seemed adamant about not answering; he probably hoped it would make Bucky leave. But he was just as stubborn and wasn't going anywhere. "I ain't a fool to be playing these games, Stevie. Come take your medicine at least then I'll leave you alone." The blonde's head popped out from the blankets with his eyes glaring daggers.

"Fine." Steve croaked out. He sat up in the bed, keeping the blankets wrapped around him. "Well go get it. I finally got warm under here." Bucky didn't bother hiding his smirk. Quickly, he went to the kitchen and grabbed the too sweet smelling syrup from it's place on the counter. He grabbed a spoon from the sink and hoped it was clean. Neither of them had bothered with chores lately. When he came back Steve was still sitting up. The smaller of the two waited until Bucky handed him the spoon full of medicine before he moved. He took it and swallowed it with a grimace. He hated medicine. Always had since he was a kid. "Now go away. You're botherin' me." 

Bucky took back the spoon and set it on the dresser. "No can do. I was made for bothering you and you need to tell me what was up last night." He saw Steve physically flinch. The blonde seemed to need time to figure out what to say. Bucky was a patient man. Well, not really but when it came to Steve he could be. He could be a lot of things when it came to Steve. 

"You don't need me, Buck. Every time I get sick I don't know why you stick around. You're handsome and charmin' and any girl in Brooklyn would fall over themselves for you. But you stick with my scrawny ass for no reason." Bucky's brow furrowed. Steve wasn't looking at him, at his hands instead. Both of them were horrible at explaining what they were feeling and it looked like Steve was already beating himself up for saying anything. "What if I'm messin' you up? Messing up any chance you got with a nice dame. No one's gonna come around if you're focused on me and not them." Steve was fidgeting and scratching at his arms. It was a bad habit.

Bucky sat down on the bed and grabbed his arm, the same one from last night. "Stop that. You'll ruin your skin." Steve was looking at him with wide eyes. Bucky tried to think of something else to say; but Lord knows he was bad at this. "You aren't messing up any chances for me. I've told you that already. I don't want any girl in Brooklyn, Stevie. Why would I when I got my best guy with me always?" Neither spoke after the admission. Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek and Bucky waited for a response. He still held onto Steve's arm. "You aren't messing anything up for me, Steve. I'm here in this crappy apartment of ours because I _want_ to be here. I know I ain't suppose to want to be here, but I do." Still no response. The brunette sighed and sat on the bed. He looked down at where his fingers were wrapped around the blonde's too thin wrist. Something in him told him to let go and lace their fingers together instead. He did just that.

Steve didn't move away. He should- it's what part of him kept saying- but he didn't. He let Bucky take his hand and felt the light squeeze he gave. "Don't say anything like that if you don't mean it." He looked up with tired eyes; maybe the fever was making it worse for him. Bucky squeezed his hand again and met his eyes. "Cause if this goes south, goes bad, we could both get in a lot of trouble. 'Specially with the war going on." 

Bucky's lip quirked up. "No war is taking me away from here. Like I said, why do I need some pretty dame while I got my own pretty guy with me already?" Steve's cheeks flushed and not from the fever. He was sure of that. "I mean if you want me around. Cause I know I can annoy you, even if that's what I was born to do." Were they getting closer? Steve felt suddenly very aware of how near they were to each other. 

"Of course I want you around, jerk." He tugged on his hand making the brunette chuckle. "Maybe, anyways. You sometimes piss me off." Another laugh. Steve smiled and looked away. His face felt very warm. "Especially when you worry about me like you're my mother. Y'know she fussed over me enough for the rest of our lives." He realized he was rambling but that seemed to be better than letting whatever mixed up thoughts he was having come out. 

He was stopped mid sentence when a hand came up to cover his mouth. "I'd like to kiss you now, Punk." Bucky's face was so close to his. Steve tried to look anywhere than at the steel blue eyes that pinned him to his seat. He swallowed and nodded.

"Maybe I'd like it, Jerk." It was muffled by the hand covering his mouth. Bucky smirked at the quick wit; it made it a little easier. His heart was in his throat beating so fast and his hands were shaking. He got as close as he could and cupped Steve's face in his hands. The blonde had closed his eyes and it was the cutest thing Bucky had ever seen. He'd lose a limb before he ever admitted it though. 

Steve felt his heart in his throat. Why wasn't Bucky moving? It unnerved him to think the other was just staring at him. Just as he was about to open his eyes, her felt Bucky's lips against him and his breathing stop. Subconsciously, he leaned forward and pressed closer. He felt Bucky's lips quark up in a smirk as he wrapped one arm around Steve's tiny frame. It wasn't a lewd kiss. Just something soft and sweet for a first one. Steve pulled back a little and rested his forehead against the brunette's shoulder. Said man kept his right arm around him and the his other hand had knotted itself in Steve's hair. 

"Damn." It was barely a whisper. Bucky wanted nothing more than the kiss Steve with everything in him. He wanted to keep him wrapped safely in their bed and love and care for him like it was his only life's purpose. He felt a shock go through him as he felt Steve's lips against his jaw. "You know all those what ifs you've been thinking about?" His arm tightened around Steve's impossibly small waist. Steve nodded against his shoulder and wrapped his arms around his neck. The blonde didn't want to be separated from him; even if he felt a cough coming on. "What would you say if I said I'd love all those what ifs away? Don't hit me for saying it but, what if I was made for you and you were made for me?" He felt Steve stiffen momentarily.

Steve mockingly hit his shoulder, no real power behind it. "I'd call you a sap. Or think you got a fever too." He felt Bucky tug on his shirt to make him look at him. When he did, his mind short circuited from how Bucky was looking at him. Like he was the reason for everything. It made Steve weary but oddly satisfied. "I'd say you might be right. We've been through a lot to not end up together because no dame is dumb enough to want us." Bucky chuckled softly. "But I won't mind it." The older took that a sign it was okay to kiss him again. And he did. Steve had no complaints as their lips moved smoothly against each others. Their hands found the other's and they held onto each other. 

Steve found himself laying on his side with Bucky pressed close to him. Chapped lips kissed everywhere they could of his face and he didn't mind the affection. He'd jump into the harbor before admitting it though. He let himself be held tight against a broad chest; kept safe and warm. It was about midday but neither of them made the move to get up. The outside world didn't matter as far as they were concerned. Steve tucked his head under Bucky's chin and found himself gently falling asleep. Bucky closed his own eyes and kept his fingers trailing up and down the blonde's back. 

He shared Steve's worries. He knew there was a huge chance things between them wouldn't work out and create a huge mess. They'd have to hide from the world, they would sooner find themselves being hung up somewhere than accepted. But that didn't matter. Because in their apartment, tucked away from the cold and snow, the what ifs didn't matter.


End file.
